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| Things Better Left Unsaid and Done |
| 05.03.04 (2:45 pm) [edit] |
I think I've hurt some people by saying some things that I didn't mean to be hurtful or anything. In all honesty I was just venting but not about a certain friend. I wasn't trying to trash talk "that person" at all.
Never was it the intention. That's why I mentioned forgiveness, but if it upset them then that's what I get for venting.
If this ends our friendship, then maybe it's for the best. That way they can move on in life and find better people and forget about the old, and start over again.
I do apologize if "you" took it as me trashing you cause that was not my intention, and you can listen to everyone else if you like, but I'm telling you the truth. If you choose not to believe me then that's fine. I understand.
I wish you the best in life and I hope the road you travel in the future is less rocky and has better people.
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| Epiphany: a sudden intuitive realization or perception of reality |
| 04.29.04 (3:33 pm) [edit] |
You ever have a moment in life where something so extreme has changed in your life whether it be from a tragic experience or some life altering incident?
Well I can say that I have. My week has been real S***. I had an epiphany yesterday night. I realized that I do not have the dubious luxury to indulge in rage or anger like normal people. I cannot control my rage and anger like others, therefore making me different. I litteraly went insane with rage. I was thinking about hurting certain people so badly that I would put them in the hospital, and I know had I been given the chance I would have, without remorse or regret.
That is scary to me because this rage is so foreign to me and I cannot control it.
Imagine seeing nothing but a red haze and hearing nothing but the roar of your heart in your ears, and your erratic breathing, and the only thing running through your mind is the breaking of someones bones, and hearing them splinter underneath their soft tissue.
This was my rage, and it scared the crap out of me. I've never thought such things or felt such rage, to the point that all I wanted to do was inflict so much pain and hurt. I just wanted to break them and put them in the hospital.
I realized last night after speaking to numerous people that I cannot afford this luxury. That I can resent them and hate them forever, and let it eat at me, the injustice that brought me to such extremes, or I could ask God to take away my hate and anger, and release me from the shackles of resentment. That is callled FORGIVENESS. Amazing the type of epiphanies one has. I've forgiven in the past but for petty stuff, and it was easy. Yet, the injustice that was done to me was unforgiveable, or so I thought. I've forgiven because it was asked of me by one person. The other two who did the injustice to me, well lets say there is no forgiveness for them. At least not at this moment, and someone help them if they ever piss me off again.
Anyways, the point of this blog was to say that I have learned to forgive, kind of, and also that Rage and anger is not a luxury I can afford, because it leads down a road that I don't want to go.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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| What's up Slut!! |
| 04.23.04 (2:42 pm) [edit] |
Well it's been a while since I last posted, and I think it's time I stopped being all mushy and crap. I'll keep my mushiness to myself. :P
Anyways, I went out last night and played some pool with some really good friends right. Well needless to say they were drinking and just too darn funny.
My girl and my man were telling jokes left and right, and they were cracking me up.
My girl's favorite phrase being: "what's up Slut!!"
Now she only refers to men this way when she sees a guy. Well my man had never heard such a thing and started laughing when she said this.
He had gotten out of the car to go to the ATM and ran into one of his friends. Well as my man was replying to his friend, my girl says in the car "What's up Slut!!" It was so on cue with my mans reply that I started laughing. Of course old boy didn't hear her.
So, my man is laughing at my girl and her catch pharase,
"What's up slut." :lol:
I still laugh even now.
Now my girl doesn't mean this in the negative aspect, just addressing the male, like they call us woman, or chick, or love, or whatever. This phrase is totally not meant in the negative so for some of the touchy men out there, don't take this phrase the wrong way.
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| Intriguing Man |
| 04.20.04 (10:57 am) [edit] |
Notice that before in some of my previous blogs that I bashed men, but only some and not all.
Well I've met one of the "rare" men that actually are weary of games, and have their head on straight.
He's quite the gentlemen actually, and is very intelligent. He's straight forward, and quick to tell me his likes and dislikes, which is a definite change. It's nice not to have to guess what the other is thinking or wants. :)
I don't know, he's very . . . . "unique." I don't know what it is but he has this air about him, that just gives off peacefulness, and calm. It's very intriguing, and I find that when I am in his presence, I am calm, and relaxed, and happy. :) It's new to me, and I find that I like this man quite a bit.
I just wanted to share that. It goes to show that their are good ones out there. :lol:
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| Insomnia |
| 04.17.04 (2:10 am) [edit] |
Oh how I hate this problem.
Sleep? What is sleep when you have insomnia. I hate when I have insomnia, it screws with my whole day and then some.
Having to stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning and then having to wake up at 5 in the morning. There is no rest. Then having to go to work and work, then go to school afterwards, only to repeat the cycle of insomnia all over again. This sucks!!!
If anyone else has ever had insomnia, and been able to beat it and get back into a normal sleeping pattern, I would greatly appreciate any advice that is available.
Insomnia: oh I loathe not being able to sleep and get the proper rest to actually function and make it through the day.
:evil:
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| What's Up With Today? |
| 04.15.04 (3:24 pm) [edit] |
I don't know why, but today, I feel as if I can see the world through a different perspective. It's like I woke up this morning, and air smelled cleaner, and the clouds were more fluffy than usual. :lol:
Really though, today for some reason is different.
I was walking to get lunch, and the sun is shining and the clouds are white and I can see the blue sky, yet my heart felt elated. I wanted to twirl in the sun like some little kid. he he he.
My step was lighter, and I couldn't help but smile as I walked along. :P I mean really, I don't smile when I'm walking around. I always have some kind of serious look on my face, but not today. I found myself smiling at the littlest things, and everyone said hi to me, and I to them. :roll: I [b]never[/b] do that. lol
Anyways, I just wanted to share my happiness with everyone, and why I'm so happy, I honestly do not know. I feel somehow at peace in a way I haven't felt in a long, long, long, and long time. I'm so happy, that I want to laugh aloud at nothing. lol :)
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| MYOPIC: lack of discernment or Shortsightedness in thinking or planning |
| 04.14.04 (3:23 pm) [edit] |
Now, I was just told that I am MYOPIC.
This statement saying that I am shortsighted and I have a lack of discernment. This is basically saying in it owns definition that I am not able to tell the difference between anything. I'll come back to this.
Now, my friends know that, as they jokingly say, I am a walking dictionary, and well I had to look this word up, just so that I could intelligently elaborate on my previous blog.
I sometimes think that yes, I am not able to discern some things, but I can discern the difference between the good and the bad in the male race. From my experience and that of numerous others, the bad out weigh the good, and for me remarking on that is not being narrowminded, or shortsighted, it's me stating the obvious.
There are those who don't agree, and I respect your opinion. Though just from my statement, you cannot "label" me as being "MYOPIC". Since, afterall, it is the truth.
"Some" men see women as toys to be played with and tossed aside once they are done, or if we break (break being that we come to love them, or become attached).
To avoid this outcome, and bitterness that resides in some females due to the their treatment, maybe men should state the obvious instead of feeding us BS, and then dropping us like a bad habit.
"Some" (notice I said not all) men do see it as a game. How many can they sleep with? How many can they play at once? Who will give it up first? I can go on and on, but I think that's enough for those who think that I am "Myopic" to get the gist of what I simply stating.
Now, if I was truly "Myopic" then I would have said "ALL MEN", but I'm not that narrowminded, and I can discern between the few and the many.
Like I said before, I'm not man hating, just simply stating the facts, and reality.
Now, I am still having a wonderful day, and I hope everyone elses day is going good as well. (LaDiabla, and Sukrmom2)
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| "Men" What I Really Think About Them |
| 04.14.04 (1:59 pm) [edit] |
You know one of my girls, told one some jackass ex-BF off and I just have to share with everyone that I am totally proud of her!!! :twisted: He really deserved it, and I hope he got what was coming to him.
I know it's not nice to say that, and I just hope my remark doesn't come back and bite me in the butt, but let me share with you what I really think of men.
Now, I'm not a man hater, but you know it's really hard not to make the whole male species pay for the few screw ups that are wandering around in the world and messing with females, and playing them. I also know that it goes both ways, and it's not just the men, but darn it, the men seem to stick out more than the females.
Anyways, I'm just not very fond of men right now due to the fact that they all seem the same to me. Yeah, you have ones that are a little more nice, or respectable, or seem too good to be true, but then when you actually fall for that perfected facade, then and only then, they show their true personalities.
They wait until they have you in their little net and then the a***hole persona comes out, and you're hooked cause you "[i]love[/i]" them. Paahhh!!!
To them it's just a game and we're the pawns, so that they can win the biggest "a***hole" trophy. :twisted:
Anyways, I know I sound like I'm man hating but I'm really not :P I just wanted to make a valid point.
So all I have to say is that I love the single life and that I need no man!!!! Yeaaa!!!!
Also, today is such a great day and I'm in the best of moods. lol :P
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| I'm Here for You |
| 04.13.04 (3:57 pm) [edit] |
Well I just want to share with my friends some things.
We may all have our ups and downs, and I know I'm almost always in a good when my friends are down, but I just want ya to know that I feel if I'm in a good mood then I can share some of those good feelings with you and that it may help you out.
I have this weird concept that just maybe some of my happiness may rub off and somehow help to make your rough day better. I don't like seeing my friends hurting or upset, cause then all I want to do, is try to make it better or help them. Which is great. :D Just because I truly adore my few friends that I have, and I don't know what I would do without them.
(LaDiabla and Sukrmom2)
You two have always been the best, and though I'm not easy to have as a friend, you have always been there.
I have been difficult as of late, and well shit happens, but I just want you both to know that no matter what, I love you two like sisters, and well, I'm always here if you need me.
No matter if we are arguing or despise eachother, or what, cause in the end, I still love ya.
Ok, no more mushy crap. I know how they hate that stuff about me. :)
Just know that you two are the greatest. :P
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| Same crap, just a different day! |
| 04.13.04 (11:44 am) [edit] |
This morning, I didn't want to get out of bed, just because i was too damn tired. I keep forgeting, lately, that I have a job, that I "have" to go to, and that I have obligations that I "have" to keep.
Then I come into work expecting the day to go well, and that today will be a good day when "WHAM" someone hits me with some drama bull**** that just screws my day all up. Yep, so much for the good day :?
Needless to say, my day is thrown totally off kilter. You know I just don't get it. Do people just think of drama scenarios just to mess with other peoples days. I swear it's a conspiracy. A total Conspiracy!!! :)
Anyways, I'm new at this blog thing, so feel free to drop an opinion here or there.
In all honesty, I just want to go back to bed and wake up again, just to see what new scenario will be thrown at me. :wink:
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